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If Cats Could Read and Write

Posted by Dr. Christianne Schelling on

What notes would a cat write if she could?

I love autumn! It gets a little cooler in the evenings, and I enjoy putting on some cozy sweatpants, getting some hot chocolate, and curling up with a good book in the evenings.

I always have at least two cats who decide to "read" with me when I do this. I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if cats COULD read? Ooh, and write?

I'd love to leave little notes around the house for them and see what they wrote for me.

I'd write things like this:

  • "Please keep the litter IN your box. I know digging and tossing it out and about everywhere is fun for you. But it hurts when I step on it with bare feet. Love, Mom."
  • "No, this isn't your water. It's mine; please don't stick your paw in it. xoxoxo."
  • "Today is claw trimming day. Please do some yoga, find your Zen, and prepare your patience before 2 o'clock and meet me on the couch. Hugs and kisses, Mom."
  • "I've cleaned your litter box and used a little rake to smooth it out just the way you like it. If you could refrain from digging in my plants today in return, I'd appreciate it."
  • "I'm sorry the store was out of salmon flavored cat food. Yes, I checked the other store, too. Yes, I even checked that third grocery store that's 30 minutes away. I understand that this is still my fault, and I'll accept your irritated glances this evening."

I can't prove it, of course, but I think my cats would leave notes like these:

  • "I see that you've left some food out for me. The bowl isn't completely full, though; there's an inch of space at the top. So I've decided to go on a hunger strike and meow loudly until you fill it appropriately. Love, Fluff."
  • "The dog licked me again today. I thought we discussed this already. Please do something about him before I take matters into my own paws. Signed, The Cat."
  • "I know you've spent $3500 on cat beds for me, but I prefer to sleep in the cardboard box your package came in yesterday. Don't take the beds back, though. That would make me mad. Signed, Your Furry Best Friend."
  • "Mom, thanks for putting the scratching post by the window. I hope you don't mind that the birds that used to come to your feeder are all afraid of our house now. Signed, Scary Hunter."
  • "OK, but did you check at that one really big grocery store in the next town for the salmon flavored food? No? Well, I guess I'll just walk all over you all night long, so you'll remember to check there tomorrow. Love you!"

Well, that was entertaining! Anyway, one thing's for sure. If my cats could read, I'd write the same thing that I say to them every day:

I love you.

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